


I Turned ‘Round And There You Go

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Tasty Little Treat, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, Canon Compliant, Christmas, Christmas Presents, Comfort/Angst, F/M, First Christmas, Force Bond (Star Wars), House Cryber Holiday Cookie Exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The force bond connects Rey and Ben after an emotional Christmas day.Confessions are made.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 55
Collections: House Cryber Holiday Cookie Exchange





	I Turned ‘Round And There You Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriarLily/gifts).



> Based on the prompt "canonverse holidays" for the House Cryber Holiday Cookie Exchange. The title is from my favorite Christmas song, White Winter Hymnal.

Without preamble, he’s there. 

Of course he is.

She can’t escape him on her good days, so what made her think that the night that she sat trying to swallow up the loneliness inside her would be any different? 

“Can we--” 

It’s a valiant attempt, ended by the lump that suddenly forms in her throat as she tries to communicate that tonight she’d rather pull all of her toenails out one by one than participate in any form of basic human interaction. 

She draws in a single, shuddering breath. 

_Try again. Be calm_. 

“Can we not do this right now?” 

For seven simple words, the question is remarkably heavy. It lingers in the space between them, tangible and thick. She finds herself unable to bear the unspoken inquiry in his eyes. Not when it holds the power to cut through to her core and bare her soul to him. 

She turns her face away toward the wall, blinking rapidly to shed the tears still clinging to her eyelashes. 

Even with her staff resting mere feet from the bed, she’s defenseless. 

How can you hide your heart when it’s already breaking into pieces at the slightest brush? 

“Rey.”

His voice is soft, almost too soft to bear. 

The bed sinks, groaning as he sits next to her, lingering with just a hair’s breadth of space between them. She won’t look up at him, she can’t, so she watches his hand hover hesitantly in the air above her knee as if the urge to comfort her is his most pressing conflict.

_Please do it._

It falls to rest on the duvet instead. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” 

What’s wrong?

How does she tell him that what’s wrong is that tonight is Christmas, a holiday that she hadn’t even known existed until today? That Leia, frustrated with the war, had interrupted her own analytics meeting and, instead of doling out militia justice, she’d busted out garland instead? That the day had been spent laughing and decorating and mindlessly manipulating the Force to stretch out Poe’s curls one-by-one to see how long it would take him to notice while he hung up the lights, but had ended with a mild panic attack when Snap had tried to kiss her under the mistletoe? 

No. 

She couldn’t tell Ben any of that. 

“It’s nothing,” she says instead. 

His fingers have been roving the entire time that she’s been lost in thought, ribbing the coarse fabric of her bedding between them, smoothing it out again seconds later when there is no more give in the fabric. 

They still at her lie. 

“You asked me to let you help me once. Let me do the same for you.” 

She can feel his eyes on her even though she doesn’t return his gaze. It burns through her, lighting her very being on fire, daring her to open up and shed layer after layer until all that’s left is the naked, vulnerable orphan from the desert. 

The real Rey.

The energy in the room pulses with expectation. 

“It’s just Christmas, you know?” She shrugs helplessly, reaching down to toy with a loose thread that is just shy of his fingers. 

“My mother throws a hell of a party,” he replies dryly.

It’s not at all the response she’s expecting from him, so she huffs out a laugh. For a brief moment she feels his surprise and delight before it’s tamped down in the bond. 

“It was a little overwhelming,” she confesses quietly. 

They let the silence fall again.

It’s more organic this time, the only sound the soft catch in Ben’s breath when she accidentally brushes the edge of her finger against his. 

Rey breaks it with her second confession.

“Sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that people only want me around because they...” 

She trails off, unwilling to say it out loud and cheapen the motivations of her friends. 

So, of course, Ben does it for her. 

“Because they pity you.” 

Her eyes dart up, surprised, but now he’s the one looking off into space, lost in the recourse of distant memories played out in the mind’s eye. 

For being solid durasteel, the wall sure was fascinating tonight.

“Yes,” she says simply. 

She sniffles and he finally moves, shifting three of his fingers to cover all of hers while he looks at her solemnly. 

A barely there touch that breaks the barrier inside.

“I’m just a nobody from Jakk--” 

He’s on her in a flash. Crowding into her space with his knees falling to blanket hers in a move that is both comforting and confining all at once. 

With one hand, he catches her chin with an underlying grace that she sometimes forgets that Ben Solo possesses, and, with the other, he brackets her against the wall as he leans in. 

“You were never nobody, Rey.” 

There is fire in his eyes and fealty written on his face. 

“I will love you until the day I die.” 

He leans forward as if to kiss her, but he’s gone before his lips make contact with her skin. 

At the foot of the bed lies a tiny box wrapped in plain paper. 

_Merry Christmas, Rey._

_Yours, Ben._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this slightly angsty, tasty treat!


End file.
